Sunday, November 28, 2021
Friday, October 29, 2021
History Repeats Itself
Such a bigger picture unfolding before our eyes, we were warned about this type of tyranny 58 years ago and the person that warned us was murdered.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvSD6If3zds
Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., CHD Board Chair and Lead Counsel:
“No government in history has ever
surrendered power in the absence of a demand. We need to tell these
governments and their friends in the technocracy, the Silicon Valley
billionaire boys club, the mainstream media, and the pharmaceutical
industry that we will no longer tolerate their trampling of citizens’
rights.”
https://childrenshealthdefense.org/child-health-topics/health-freedom/worldwide-walk-outs/
https://www.globalresearch.ca/worldwide-walkouts/5760145
Wednesday, March 18, 2020
Revisited...Off the sidelines and in the game
This was written 12 years ago and thought it was pertinent yet today.
When we embarked on this journey six years ago, I never would have believed how difficult it has been to network with people considering the amount of resources we have to work with. We have tried for the last five years to work with people in our community, well over 100 and the list is growing.
When we talk to people about peak oil/peak resources, climate and ecosystems collapsing, collapse of the financial system and our infrastructure, we find people think we’re nuts. Some are aware of these things, but they’re not concerned because they think they won’t be around to see it happen. Others know it but just won’t do anything and are too lazy, and then there are those who are in it for the money (capitalism with a smile).
It is strange to me if I was to preach hatred and bigotry I would be a valuable commodity and have people flocking to my doorstep. However, offering people a chance to live self sufficiently, responsibly, peacefully in a sustainable manner is more difficult to accomplish. The latter requires hard, physical work -- something most people don't know how to do.
Even though we expected this to be our last move, now after retirement at ages 52 and 50, we are once again thinking the unimaginable, relocating. We know that with our skills and dedication we would be a welcomed addition to someone who is trying to accomplish what we have failed to do.
We must begin to build avenues to connect people with certain skills and assets; trying to educate people is not enough. Like the documentary Power of Community states, what happened in Cuba in the ‘90s was not so much technological change as it was human. Sharing responsibilities and costs will be very important in our future, as well as utilizing our resources wisely.
We have not been farmers all of our lives; we are somewhat new to this. Our lives have been nothing like the stereotypical American way. We were married at the ages of 21 and 19, not out of necessity, just young and in love. We had our two daughters five years later, and our roles have been reversed most of the time. I was “Mister Mom.” We lived on one meager income because childcare in this country is deplorable. It was our responsibility and no one else's to raise our children.
While at home I grew some of our food, did fundraising for kids activities and field trips at school, volunteered in the classrooms as well as coaching boys and girls basketball and girls soccer. Because of living on one income, I learned to barter with men 25-30 years my senior in Rogue River, Oregon where we lived at the time. One example: I roofed and painted my friend’s house and he and I built a 20’ by 24’ recreation room from start to finish. No money changed hands, just good times and friendship.
Up until six years ago, most of my life I was what one would consider a “Jock.” I loved sports, mostly hockey, football and basketball. I knew all of the stats and trades, I watched for over 40 years of how championships were won. I saw many types of styles and philosophies of play come and go. They were always in the context that you are only as strong as your weakest link. The teams' success depended on each individual player giving his or her maximum effort, and no one player regardless of how great can win by him/herself.
After 911 something changed in me and I gave up my addition to sports. In the past seven years I have read hundreds of books by authors such as Vandana Shiva, David Korten, Arundhati Roy, Kevin Phillips, Michael Rupert, Eckhart Tolle, George Monbiot, James Lovelock, Richard Heinberg, Matthew Simmons, James Howard Kunstler, Wendell Barry, Barbara Kingsolver, Howard Zinn, Daniel Quinn and Kurt Vonnegut.
I realize now that we were lied to. As George Carlin said, they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. All this and more caused me to take direct action.
We downsized to one car, paid off our mortgage, turned off the “idiot box,” installed an indoor clothes dryer (made by a local artisan that works with iron), and our garden that started out for fun and food became much more of a purpose and a way of life. We have hauled in tons of manure and organic compost to build up the soil creating a working system based on raised beds, crop rotation and cover cropping. We now have fifty 4’ x 26’ raised beds and a 10’ x 15’ greenhouse allowing us to do starts and grow more than enough food for three or four families, plus rows of berries as well as fruit trees. Currently we grow and process 60% of our food.
We knew all along that we would never be able to learn everything that was needed as well as do all the work ourselves. That’s why we have tried to partner up or find other like-minded people to begin together the hard work ahead of us.
I remember Richard Heinberg saying that some figured there was 1% of the population who was woken up and they had hoped to wake up to 5%. He also stated that we needed 50 million farmers for the long slog ahead.
I feel blessed that my wife of 31 years and I are on the same page. We had always planned to work together after her retirement knowing that we needed to have some income. We enjoy being around each other. We believe that in this day and age when people are losing their homes, in debt, bankrupt and pensions disappearing, we can and should be able to find partners that are hard working, in good health and have some valuable skills/resources that would help us become a complete team together. There is so much to learn and adjust to, as climate change alone is already affecting the way we grow food in Oregon.
Last year at this time, I processed well over 500 lbs of tomatoes, drying and canning. As I sit and write on this Labor Day, I have not canned one quart of tomatoes -- not many in the area to be found. This is one of the main staples in our diet.
We would like to have partners living on the property that can help make this work into a functioning way of living, saving resources and growing food for five or six families. We would also like to incorporate livestock, and renewable energy. But attracting willing partners has been most difficult, to the point that we despair and might move away. Neither of us wants to leave what we have built thus far, but if we can't find others who can help, then maybe it's time for a different arena with some new players who wants this team.
As life as we know it begins to collapse, we need a prototype system that can be easily duplicated to show others how to grow, process and store food. People will begin to act irrationally when they or their families have little to no food, so I would like to give them a choice on how to feed themselves without the violence.
In all of my years of watching and playing sports, I have never felt the sheer joy and fulfillment that I do while working in the garden. Watching a butterfly as it lands on me or feeling a hummingbird zing past my ear. The great wins I chalk up now in the CHAMPIONSHIP column are at the end of fall when cupboards are jammed to capacity, standing room only with filled canning jars, the garage walls draped with garlic and onions, and the freezer stuffed full with berries and nuts. What a SWEET VICTORY! It is time for us all to give up our additions, and live the life we were meant to live.
I have no illusions about saving the world. I would just like to be able to have a chance of living in peace and sharing before Mother Nature kicks our ass.
- - - - -
Ideas to ponder
Connecting people that have different assets:
1) Resumé Bank of people's assets, skills, knowledge and ideas.
2) Such as:
- Land, money, water, resources
With people that don't have this but have technical knowledge
- Such as:
Knowledge on farming, solar, sustainable building
3) People moving from one area of the country/state
- Such as:
A person moving from metropolitan area wanting to relocate to an area that's more sustainable, trading work for his or her stay.
4) Sharing tools/resources
5) Sharing skills such as:
- Preserving of food, cooking, sewing, repairs (home), survival skills
Investment
1) Such as:
- Someone with money that they would like to get out of the stock market/retirement funds and invest in local businesses, someone starting a business, solar energy, alternative energy and farming and manufacturing.
2) People with money who want to set up old style mercantile involving local farms and artisans for manufactured goods, clothing, etc.
3) Advising people on how best to utilize their land/resources.
When we embarked on this journey six years ago, I never would have believed how difficult it has been to network with people considering the amount of resources we have to work with. We have tried for the last five years to work with people in our community, well over 100 and the list is growing.
When we talk to people about peak oil/peak resources, climate and ecosystems collapsing, collapse of the financial system and our infrastructure, we find people think we’re nuts. Some are aware of these things, but they’re not concerned because they think they won’t be around to see it happen. Others know it but just won’t do anything and are too lazy, and then there are those who are in it for the money (capitalism with a smile).
It is strange to me if I was to preach hatred and bigotry I would be a valuable commodity and have people flocking to my doorstep. However, offering people a chance to live self sufficiently, responsibly, peacefully in a sustainable manner is more difficult to accomplish. The latter requires hard, physical work -- something most people don't know how to do.
Even though we expected this to be our last move, now after retirement at ages 52 and 50, we are once again thinking the unimaginable, relocating. We know that with our skills and dedication we would be a welcomed addition to someone who is trying to accomplish what we have failed to do.
We must begin to build avenues to connect people with certain skills and assets; trying to educate people is not enough. Like the documentary Power of Community states, what happened in Cuba in the ‘90s was not so much technological change as it was human. Sharing responsibilities and costs will be very important in our future, as well as utilizing our resources wisely.
We have not been farmers all of our lives; we are somewhat new to this. Our lives have been nothing like the stereotypical American way. We were married at the ages of 21 and 19, not out of necessity, just young and in love. We had our two daughters five years later, and our roles have been reversed most of the time. I was “Mister Mom.” We lived on one meager income because childcare in this country is deplorable. It was our responsibility and no one else's to raise our children.
While at home I grew some of our food, did fundraising for kids activities and field trips at school, volunteered in the classrooms as well as coaching boys and girls basketball and girls soccer. Because of living on one income, I learned to barter with men 25-30 years my senior in Rogue River, Oregon where we lived at the time. One example: I roofed and painted my friend’s house and he and I built a 20’ by 24’ recreation room from start to finish. No money changed hands, just good times and friendship.
Up until six years ago, most of my life I was what one would consider a “Jock.” I loved sports, mostly hockey, football and basketball. I knew all of the stats and trades, I watched for over 40 years of how championships were won. I saw many types of styles and philosophies of play come and go. They were always in the context that you are only as strong as your weakest link. The teams' success depended on each individual player giving his or her maximum effort, and no one player regardless of how great can win by him/herself.
After 911 something changed in me and I gave up my addition to sports. In the past seven years I have read hundreds of books by authors such as Vandana Shiva, David Korten, Arundhati Roy, Kevin Phillips, Michael Rupert, Eckhart Tolle, George Monbiot, James Lovelock, Richard Heinberg, Matthew Simmons, James Howard Kunstler, Wendell Barry, Barbara Kingsolver, Howard Zinn, Daniel Quinn and Kurt Vonnegut.
I realize now that we were lied to. As George Carlin said, they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. All this and more caused me to take direct action.
We downsized to one car, paid off our mortgage, turned off the “idiot box,” installed an indoor clothes dryer (made by a local artisan that works with iron), and our garden that started out for fun and food became much more of a purpose and a way of life. We have hauled in tons of manure and organic compost to build up the soil creating a working system based on raised beds, crop rotation and cover cropping. We now have fifty 4’ x 26’ raised beds and a 10’ x 15’ greenhouse allowing us to do starts and grow more than enough food for three or four families, plus rows of berries as well as fruit trees. Currently we grow and process 60% of our food.
We knew all along that we would never be able to learn everything that was needed as well as do all the work ourselves. That’s why we have tried to partner up or find other like-minded people to begin together the hard work ahead of us.
I remember Richard Heinberg saying that some figured there was 1% of the population who was woken up and they had hoped to wake up to 5%. He also stated that we needed 50 million farmers for the long slog ahead.
I feel blessed that my wife of 31 years and I are on the same page. We had always planned to work together after her retirement knowing that we needed to have some income. We enjoy being around each other. We believe that in this day and age when people are losing their homes, in debt, bankrupt and pensions disappearing, we can and should be able to find partners that are hard working, in good health and have some valuable skills/resources that would help us become a complete team together. There is so much to learn and adjust to, as climate change alone is already affecting the way we grow food in Oregon.
Last year at this time, I processed well over 500 lbs of tomatoes, drying and canning. As I sit and write on this Labor Day, I have not canned one quart of tomatoes -- not many in the area to be found. This is one of the main staples in our diet.
We would like to have partners living on the property that can help make this work into a functioning way of living, saving resources and growing food for five or six families. We would also like to incorporate livestock, and renewable energy. But attracting willing partners has been most difficult, to the point that we despair and might move away. Neither of us wants to leave what we have built thus far, but if we can't find others who can help, then maybe it's time for a different arena with some new players who wants this team.
As life as we know it begins to collapse, we need a prototype system that can be easily duplicated to show others how to grow, process and store food. People will begin to act irrationally when they or their families have little to no food, so I would like to give them a choice on how to feed themselves without the violence.
In all of my years of watching and playing sports, I have never felt the sheer joy and fulfillment that I do while working in the garden. Watching a butterfly as it lands on me or feeling a hummingbird zing past my ear. The great wins I chalk up now in the CHAMPIONSHIP column are at the end of fall when cupboards are jammed to capacity, standing room only with filled canning jars, the garage walls draped with garlic and onions, and the freezer stuffed full with berries and nuts. What a SWEET VICTORY! It is time for us all to give up our additions, and live the life we were meant to live.
I have no illusions about saving the world. I would just like to be able to have a chance of living in peace and sharing before Mother Nature kicks our ass.
- - - - -
Ideas to ponder
Connecting people that have different assets:
1) Resumé Bank of people's assets, skills, knowledge and ideas.
2) Such as:
- Land, money, water, resources
With people that don't have this but have technical knowledge
- Such as:
Knowledge on farming, solar, sustainable building
3) People moving from one area of the country/state
- Such as:
A person moving from metropolitan area wanting to relocate to an area that's more sustainable, trading work for his or her stay.
4) Sharing tools/resources
5) Sharing skills such as:
- Preserving of food, cooking, sewing, repairs (home), survival skills
Investment
1) Such as:
- Someone with money that they would like to get out of the stock market/retirement funds and invest in local businesses, someone starting a business, solar energy, alternative energy and farming and manufacturing.
2) People with money who want to set up old style mercantile involving local farms and artisans for manufactured goods, clothing, etc.
3) Advising people on how best to utilize their land/resources.
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Hump day, Trump Day
Well thank goodness that the election is over and the mighty fine people of this country got who they voted for. I'm sure glad our votes were included in the 1% for Jill Stein, even though I was told today, "it was a wasted vote". I looked at the person and said "it's my vote, my choice and never again will I vote for the lesser of two evils." Michael Moore talked me out of voting for Ralph Nader and after voting for Kerry...I said never again.
A friend sent me this video and it's definitely worth the few minutes that really tells it like it is.
A friend sent me this video and it's definitely worth the few minutes that really tells it like it is.
Fall is definitely here, time to curl up next to the fire and knit something beautiful from my handspun...this time from our own sheep.
 |
| Vera Smiling for the camera |
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Vote your conscience...we did...Green again...
It's that busy time of the year again, but didn't want to wait to post this picture...
I'll be writing soon. Watching...http://www.jill2016.com/live
JILL NOT HILL...JILL NOT HILL...JILL NOT HILL...
I'll be writing soon. Watching...http://www.jill2016.com/live
JILL NOT HILL...JILL NOT HILL...JILL NOT HILL...
 |
| JillnotHill
I know it's been a long time since I've written anything, so it goes...
We've been busy with "sheep people" in our lives and no they're not stupid, actually they're smarter than many people. Ellory our ram has been painted for breeding and the girls were bucking heads today, we're thinking we're all going to get f*$#@^& tomorrow!
  What a 3 ring circus it's been, anyone sane would vote for Jill but then again is there many sane people left in this country? I've listened to this speech so many times over the last few months,
and can't believe what we had going for us then...until...
it's all so sad.
What the hell happened to all of us? Have the powers to be rendered us useless in this day and age? Or...are we just so over entertained with everything now even the election has to be full of drama for us to pay attention? I'm hearing Barry McGuire singing...
Our ballots have been cast but for all practical purposes I do feel hopeless in seeing real change as the system is rigged, but...at least we voted our conscience, too bad we didn't get to see Jill in the debates as I think many more would agree that she is our best choice.
Vote Green Party!
P.S We've been listening to the audio book by Gary J. Byrne, Crisis of Character, We highly recommend listening or reading the book. It's pretty entertaining going down memory lane with the Clinton's. |
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Honoring "The Snake" on our Super Bowl Sunday
 |
| Thank you Blackie |
 |
| A "bloody, muddy" mess |
Yesterday we finished coating the shorter bed with Eco Wood Treatment and today it was filled with soil and compost awaiting for perhaps melons. The rock was then brought in and what a difference it made. As I was watering the bed the sweat was dripping from my brow and I noticed the thermometer read 90 degrees…no wonder the kale was looking wilty.
As I watered I also weeded and figured the weeds could be added to the worm bin which got moved back outside again, hopefully we won’t get any surprise freezes.
We’ve been enjoying the onions that we harvested last year and also the potatoes that we left in the ground along with the carrots.
 |
| Last year's onions |
 | |
| Potatoes still in the ground |
 |
| Carrot bed February 2016 |
 |
| Garlic coming up February 2016 |
 |
| Cabbage February 2016 |
So we choose to celebrate Super Bowl Sunday as well as Kenny Stabler’s induction into the Hall Of Fame in a different way. Today was full of sunshine while we worked enjoying the outdoors and this evening we’ll enjoy our homemade crackers (made with basil, dill and rosemary), a good porter while we play a game of billiards.
 |
| Homemade Crackers |
 |
| Our "game day" in the stadium |
After we’ll sit down to a home cooked meal of Chimichangas made with a chuck roast raised on a farm here in Oregon,
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| Sourdough Starter |
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| Sourdough Bread and buns |
Friday, October 23, 2015
Judging, What Does It Mean?
"A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people."
John F. Kennedy
It’s interesting because I don’t remember being judgmental when I was growing up and I can’t say I remember my parents being so, although they didn’t like people taking advantage of the system.
Living my life in the past meant fitting in with the majority. Working full time for a large utility company deemed it necessary to “fit in” and one of my appraisal strong points was “gets along with others”.
Then, I had no reason for judging in the same sense that I would do so today. Maybe it was my naivety, age and/or the need to be liked (though the latter I still struggle with) that made me want to “fit in”. Not that I’m saying it’s right to judge today or that there is justification for doing so but I’m now needing to understand the change that took place within me.
In our struggle to find others whom we may live with, we have changed, along with our ad(s). Depending on communication with the many contacts we have had, we added to, took from and sometimes completely eliminated our ad. Totally frustrated at times we gave up the idea of building relationships with others, finding our paths/lives had been so different that even though we seek now to live close to the same way, our baggage is there for the ride.
My baggage consists of bitterness, envy and lack of trust. I’m bitter that when I started down this path, humans couldn’t think about giving up something in their lives so that maybe others perhaps our grandchildren would have a fighting chance, not to mention all the other species. I’m bitter for the decisions I made then that separated me from loved ones and how little good it did. I’m envious of the lives that others have lived and the fun that they have experienced, I thought mine would come after 30 years of persevering, but I soon accepted that that too was just another lie.
 |
| Real Life 2015 |
 |
| Smoke filled skies in the Rogue Valley 2015 |
As a youth, I sometimes was up early enough to kiss my dad goodbye, but even as I slept, I knew the routine. Mom was up before him making his lunch and getting his breakfast, then dad would put on his shined shoes to go to the factory where he worked to enjoy a weekend off. During the summer one of the weekend days was usually spent at the park/beach where Mom got a little reprieve outside still cooking though, over the Coleman stove.
I don’t ever remember going without, though perhaps my parents did before I was born. It must have been a hard road to travel living in two different countries with three children, before settling down here in the third one having me.
Much like my dad, I accepted a job that paid well for the late 70’s and I felt lucky. I hired on at the telephone company when I was 19 and after 25 years I had 5 weeks of paid vacation time, though we didn’t “go places” as others did, most of our vacations were spent relaxing at home where we put our money and time into creating a nest where we both belonged. Instead we used our money to build garages, have new carpeting installed or painted inside and/or out. Usually when we did go away, it wasn’t without our tent or tent trailer as camping was inexpensive and we usually didn’t have to go far to enjoy some time hiking in the woods.
 |
| We're in the woods now, right outside our back door 2015 |
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| Two Bucks, better than one 2015 |
I’ll never forgot though while living in CO, we took my parents to Central City/Blackhawk, it was my first time gambling. I hit the $2500 jackpot and before leaving we put a few more bills into the machines but left shortly after with the rest in my purse, using it on a vacation to Hawaii, memories of fun.
Just before reaching my 30 year goal at work, my life became more serious than it had ever been before. As my story has been told in previous posts, I became more aware of the necessities of life and I learned to let go of most indulgences. Not that I had many compared to most in this country but collectively we had our fair share. We purchased the NFL and NHL packages for a few seasons and spent a fair amount of time watching sports.
I was raised on hockey and enjoyed watching the game with my dad, brothers, boyfriends, daughters and my husband (some of whom couldn’t understand the change in me when I quit watching). I never missed turning off the cable in 2008 like I thought I would. Now when I find myself around television, like at the doctor’s office, it makes me feel nauseated to watch the data streaming back and forth across the top and bottom hearing voices that sound alike, repeating the same message. It’s no wonder why many don’t read anymore as we get most of what we believe through sound bytes and short sentences. Long articles written above a 12 year old’s ability usually don’t get read.
We do enjoy watching a good movie/documentary once in a while as well as music dvd’s we’ve collected through the years, though we’ve had more fun laughing while playing cards or board games. Time is now our indulgence and we try to spend it wisely. Every now and then we bring George Carlin out for a good laugh, I often wonder what he would think and say if he were here with us today. I’ve seen him “live” several times and always felt his judging taught me so much about myself.
Sometimes we just listen to some good music while sitting at the table picking mint leaves off the stems and the calendula petals off the blossoms to dry.
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| Apple, Peppermint, Spearmint and Chocolate Mint drying 2015 |
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| Colorful bowls of beans 2015 |
I mention this in order for you reading, to understand the complexity of finding others who meet my standard of living. Not only am I judgmental, but I have expectations, which I hate. Our lives are more of the old fashioned homesteader whose frugality was often viewed as extreme. There are very little complexities with the way we grow food, build the soil, plant the seed and hope for harvest.
All of our lives we raise and lower the bar to accept what we need to. Things that we wouldn’t have accepted early in the journey, perhaps today we would as it’s hard to find exactly what were looking for. My husband now has limited expectations but routine and work ethic is foremost. It’s about rising early in the summer to get what needs to be done before the temps get above 90 degrees.
For me it’s about authenticity, and simple understanding of the predicament we’re in. It’s a respect for the way we live, and having a clear understanding of where the things we need and depend on…come from. We’ve been told, “you’re more of a homesteader than a farmer” and now I understand what was meant by it. No, it’s not just about money and making it, it’s about giving and getting.
Every day I get eggs from our chickens and in return I give them a safe, healthy environment where they can depend on food and water. Unlike farming, we homesteaders work to produce what we eat, and if any money is raised it goes back into the homestead feeding those who feed us.
Sometimes the costs exceed the little money we may make but usually we break even and always have fresh eggs to eat. We have both come to understand that some people appreciate the amount of work, time and resources that go into feeding our chickens and are willing to pay those true costs, but I believe the real understanding comes from doing the work. It's at least an hours worth of time to clean the coop and usually about six times a year, not to mention the cost of straw to fill it back up again.
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| From coop to compost 2015 |
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| Making tomato leather 2015 |
Burnout and failure to succeed weigh heavy on one’s mind when trying to build community. We have literally in many ways lived our lives for others with the amount of time spent on narrowing our search for a good fit and it’s hard not to be judgmental when you choose.
Living and sharing the land with others makes one realize the amount of effort that goes into getting along and without that connection, there is no bond. We moved onto this property 18 months ago and had come with the notion that we had given up trying to have others live with us. It was shortly after the cottage was completed that we took a chance on a young guy who a nearby farm recommended. He was here for 3 months, poached a fawn, killed a couple of turkeys and trashed our newly remodeled cottage. We were both devastated to say the least and hurt beyond belief. No more we said…until we received a call.
It’s been a nice transition seeing how well the cottage is cared for and have appreciated the help including getting our greenhouse built. Dynamics play a huge part when living with another couple and perhaps it’s the fact that we’re all the same age and we’ve lived such different lives.
There is also the fact that we (my husband and I) haven’t spent much time apart in our 37 years. Probably the most time we’ve spent apart was recently, when I spent 3 weeks with our daughter and son-in-law. I can’t say I’ve ever met another couple who spends so much time together, we’ve even been told by others how unhealthy it is but generally speaking, it works for us.
Together my husband and I have weathered many storms and grown up as friends. I was a teenager when we married and had never experienced living out on my own. We’ve always enjoyed working together and have managed the daily rhythm for years. We’ve been told in the past, “be careful that the energy of others don’t disrupt what you have.”
I can only speak for myself when I say I like a certain rhythm, I like when things come together and mesh. We said when we moved here that it was a good place to die, and if I’m sharing what we’ve worked so hard to enjoy, I want to feel at peace with others on the property, but because I am who I am I’m finding it very hard. I have more expectations now then when we started down this road and I think my husband has less as it was more his idea all along and so wanted it to work.
Unfortunately, we females tend to appease our partners, learning to follow their work, depend on their pay and trust their decisions. Our life was so different having reversed our roles, I wonder what or if that has to do with the way I feel now.
I’m just too judgmental to live with anyone else, after all this time of ups and downs trying. I don’t have the same energy that I once had. I trust what I’ve had to work with for years and that’s enough for me to keep going, it’s good and bad that we’ve learned to live with.
It’s been one of the hardest moves after 13 years, leaving my daughter and granddaughter as well as a dear friend that I’ve waited so long to meet. I won’t say it compares to the move from our daughters into an “empty nest” but the stresses we’ve been through since living here have topped some of the worse times and I was beginning to look forward to some peace and quiet.
I’m done with prepping to survive in a world that I don’t want to live in, I just want to enjoy what I have in the time left to do it.
Think everyone has passed judgments on others in their lives. Whether it’s lazy people, big people, gays, lesbians, bankers etc. one is always judging another. I haven’t traveled this path alone and though my husband is much further ahead in his journey, he has gone through the grief cycles and is now more ready to accept than me.
I stood strong to beliefs that I learned through his knowledge and lost friends and family including 8 lonely years without our daughter that even though she is back in our lives, I’ll never know what memories could have been shared together.
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| Arches National Park, building memories while seeing beauty 2015 |
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| Delicate Arch, Arches National Park, Utah 2015 |
Fast forward to today, turning your TV off is now seen as “cool” and many are. Some of the same people who called me judgmental then are now judging others that still watch it. They argue the same arguments and state the same truths about how they feel now.
I’m trying to “let go” of judging others, looking inward instead, to find other things I can do to help in this journey forward. I know that sometimes people who see things differently can be our greatest teachers so I try to remain open, it’s when I feel that my moral compass is being turned in a different direction that I struggle to stay on the path. I remember once a friend telling my husband, “his moral compass was too strong.” Is this judging or just someone's opinion?
Maybe Ron Paul has a point about too many laws, I say we remove the stop signs and see how we do with that first, maybe then we’ll understand something about most of us…that we all judge each other every day in many ways.
"I have long since come to believe that people never mean half of what they say,
and that it is best to disregard their talk and judge only their actions."
Dorothy Day
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Duality
“of course, it’s only natural to respond to a waning
by trying to escape the threat”
-The Mindful Way through Anxiety
by Susan Orsillo and Liz Roemer
by trying to escape the threat”
-The Mindful Way through Anxiety
by Susan Orsillo and Liz Roemer
It’s been awhile for me to pick up a pen to write but sometimes the hardest things to do are the most therapeutic, so today I write.
Over a year has passed since our moving and our last post told what we had done up to that point and the beat goes on.
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| A hike up Lower Table Rock, Mt. McLoughlin...what we do for fun |
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| Sharing birthday meal with a good friend 2014 |
2014 was probably one of the most intense years since before retiring in 2008. I chuckle when I think about retirement and what it meant then compared to what it means now. Entitlement is what we should have called it then and maybe the new term now could be “retitlement”. Sounds good to me a new title in a new time but it says nothing of tire and for both of us, it’s been very tiring.
I hate to even tell people I’m retired but it’s hard not to after 30 years of my life doing something I didn’t necessarily enjoy. I always thought retirement was about enjoyment and I’ve been confused lately with that word also.
It’s been an emotionally upbeat year with moving and feeling like we’ve been given a new lease on life, then realizing that we’re still on borrowed time and the lease in almost up. I may have been more complacent before we moved, but as with past moves (13 of them), it’s a change and we roll with the punches and sometimes it hurts but the outcome has never been so bad that we can’t come back. This move has brought back memories from previous moves and now I’m retired and having fun, right? I know in my heart of hearts that I too, still have dreams to live and things to accomplish. Right now “collapse” is a major inconvenience, it’s interfering with my extreme living before I die.
How can I have long term goals and see into a different future when the knockout punch has already been delivered and I’m struggling to get up for the 13th, 14th and 15th round?
This move has brought us to a good place to die and that’s the most I can hope for.
“If teardrops were pennies,
and heartaches were gold”
-Carl Smith
“If teardrops were pennies,
and heartaches were gold”
-Carl Smith
If I shut myself inside my abode, I’m perfectly happy with all that I do.
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| Husband's birthday gift, sweater with sweatshirt pocket |
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| Winter Solstice making pierogi together |
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| Drying pierogi |
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| Friends gift for watching the property |
Even on the property outside I’m ok, but it’s when I look around, all
around…up, down and most places in between I see things differently from
the past.
The bright blue skies of my youth now appear like a tic tac toe board with the chem trails winning the game and when not sunny the sky is hazy and gray with an Air Stagnation Advisory in effect for weeks at a time. The seasons, all four that I once enjoyed…rain in the spring, sunshine in the summer, cool breezes in the fall and snow, yes snow in the winter are all mixed together in a melting pot of obscurity.
This winter we’ve seen temps in the high 60’s, lows in the 50’s and 7.5” of rain in 6 days. Before Christmas we strolled around Lithia Park in Ashland where the rhodies and vinca were in bloom.
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| Lithia Park, Ashland, OR rhodies in bloom, December 13th, 2014 |
For the last few weeks, it’s felt like spring. The almond and peach trees are in bloom and just the other day we spotted a baby flicker in our front yard. I tried researching to find out when they have their young in the PNW but was unable to find anything of value. The third week of March, I saw my first hummingbird at the slider when I was lifting weights, I love when things like this happen, this is our TV (distraction).
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| Lithia Park Vinca in bloom, December 13, 2014 |
This article summed things up, http://www.kval.com/news/local/Wheres-the-snow-Were-setting-new-record-low-measurements-291763451.html stating:
"The previous record low was in 1981, and we measured 17 inches of water. This year we are measuring 5 inches.”
http://www.oregonlive.com/travel/index.ssf/2015/03/rogue_rivers_lack_of_water_wil.html
Some are talking about the abnormalities but most are still too busy with more important things in their lives. I recently read an article on the Arctic News titled, “Watch where the wind blows” from February 3rd, http://arctic-news.blogspot.com/ and after sharing the article with a friend, the response I got back was, “but they don’t tell us what to wear”. Apparently there are many who don’t want to read "bad" news (as if it makes it less real), don’t grasp it or plain just don’t care. I think some older folks still think they’ll escape the mayhem…who knows?
The growing season will definitely be an indication of the changes in weather patterns. This is the time of the year for going through last years leftover seeds as well as what we have saved. We always ask “will they perform the same as the year before?” What will mother nature provide us with this year? I’m waiting for the billboard on I-5 that asks, “got water?”
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| Seasonal creek on property 2015 |
Our new home though a roof over our heads didn’t have a bathtub when we moved in, I enjoy a weekly ritual of soaking but know that it’s a luxurious want not a need. Well now I have a bathtub and I soak in a tub full of scented water with a lit candle, wow, what luxury. We have lived like Kings and Queens compared to most.
I can’t begin to tell you how I feel about the communication now with my daughter. Since last October we’ve been corresponding and just yesterday I heard her voice for the first time in 8 years. When she said, “mom” I immediately flashed back to that fall day when she was placed in my arms, life is good.
Our winter was busier than it’s been in years trying to accomplish quickly what we had in place before; including a room for our pool table that came with us, Italian slate can travel anywhere.
We converted a 600 sqft.space where we can enjoy pool, darts and perhaps shuffleboard. Some dreams we don’t let go of and this is one of them. It’s also a nice warm room for exercising, even though the bike goes nowhere we can now eliminate the hat, scarf and gloves.
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| Glue Laminated Beam |
Stairs on the outside where moved in and the space up above has become my craft room where someday I will sit and spin while looking over the sheep below in the pasture. This is what dreams are made of.
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| Stairs going up to craft room |
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| Finished Recreation Room |
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| Where the post once stood, now the pool table stands |
Not too much on the docket now except building up the soil in the garden, getting or building a greenhouse and possibly building or extending the chicken coop for our new addition of Buckeyes, hopefully we won’t have a problem selling the chicks to the duck fans, sorry.
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| Buckeye Chicks |
The birdsong is beautiful this time of the year and the peeps from the new chicks are endearing as always. Daffodils are in bloom, fruit and nut trees are in bloom…Spring is in the air and birth is all around us.
Maybe there is something to be said about staying home and hunkering down, it’s a peaceful place where there is life. Sometimes going to the city is a ruinous wakeup call, seeing cars driven by people with gadgets on or in their ears, while others are walking into businesses texting while shopping and the hard part is seeing more of that than homesteaders/farmers who are too busy to get together for a dinner. It seems like one extreme or the other and unfortunately we understand both, though struggle with it.
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| Garlic and new tilled herb beds |
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| Raised herb beds |
Our cottage that we spent so much time and money on when we first moved in remains empty. Not because we didn’t try to rent it, but because we realize more and more as time goes on that it’s difficult at best to share your land and property with someone else.
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| Back of remodeled cottage |
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| Front of cottage before remodeling |
We've thought recently about turning it into a commercial kitchen and have spoke with a few people from the extension service. Talking to them as well as farmers in the area, we’ve learned that the Farm Direct Bill (HB2336) allows for one to process more without having a commercial kitchen. We focus on what we can do, while trying to keep a reasonable timeline in view.
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| Aztec Runner Drying beans 2014 |
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| Homemade bread |
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| Homemade Biscotti |
Recently we had contact with our friend Paul who writes here:
http://wherespaulnow.blogspot.com/. We spoke about the “mixed bag” of emotions as all the charts like the one on his most recent post are one color, red. I’m hearing Don Meredith, “turn out the lights, the party’s over”. Like us, Paul is enjoying his time moment by moment like we all should be doing. Not much matters anymore,
“if the button is pushed, there’s no running away”
Barry McGuire, Eve of Destruction
Love while you can with all your might, live intensely with passion, and laugh often for no reason.
With so many buttons yet to push, best to enjoy life while we can. I struggle with the duality of it all especially when the worse of the two are winning, but….
I know there is so much still to enjoy and I’m enjoying it while I can.
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| Quinn, our new German Shepherd pup named after the writer, Daniel Quinn |
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