Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mother's Day Wishes Part II

Since writing Mother’s Day Wishes, Jan Lundberg has contacted us at least a couple of times to ask about our relationship with our daughter.  For this and his ongoing work, we both thank him. 

It’s been five years since Mother’s Day Wishes was posted here and much has happened including the worsening of environmental degradation, climate change, lost jobs and the economy, politics and the loss of more rights.

I wrote Mother’s Day Wishes after three long years without a relationship with my youngest daughter.  Now it’s been almost eight and my heart aches more than ever.  I’m now an aging senior with a discount and she is well into her adulthood.

My last email I sent her was on March 6, 2011 which ended all contact since.  She expressed that my emails did more harm than good and with no response to my last message, I decided to listen to the advice of another,

If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.
Dalai Lama
Natural Beauty 2014

I still remember writing Mother’s Day Wishes and reading it out loud in my writing class.  I also remember the young lady who came up to me after class and thanked me.  She, my daughter’s age shared with me the fact that she couldn’t talk to her parents about the future and how different it would be.  We hugged and I walked to my car crying in both sadness and joy that this young woman didn’t have the support of her parents but understood and embraced the pain of her future. 

I also remember meeting face to face with Kathy McMahon from who wrote a response to my essay that can be read here:
She spoke at the Eugene, OR library and I couldn’t wait to meet her and for her to meet me.  Maybe it was the fact that I wasn’t a Raging Grannie, hell, I wasn’t even a Grannie then!  I just remember how I felt after reading her response and questioning myself.  Sad to think now that I did that, but understandable as I looked up to her and doubted my own motherly instincts.

I often ask myself, why?  Why did I feel the need to educate, reach out, protect, defend and probably much more, in order to risk losing a relationship that I loved.  Looking back, I never thought this would have happened, never.

After five years I see the error of my ways.  I ask myself today, how many people my age do I know that still live in denial or worse, know, but do nothing.  Why then would I expect a youngun whose life is still full of wants and goals to accept something that may not allow their dreams to happen?

This past Thursday, I listened and read comments of those who attended the webinar in memory of Michael C. Ruppert.  I was surprised but not shocked to hear from some 20 somethings who have embraced Mike’s work and will continue to go forward carrying his torch.  I have to remind myself that these youngun’s were only ten years old or so when 9-11 happened, about the same age I was when Bobby was shot.  I was sad because my parents were, but I certainly didn’t understand what I do today.  I was still so impressionable at that age, had my parents shared their thoughts about what really happened  in the late 60’s, I too would have known more by the time I was 20 something.  Hat’s off to these brave young souls who can go into dark places and still see the light.  I question if their parents had anything to do with it? 

It was while watching the documentary, Chasing Ice, that I recently thought about that young lady who came up to me after class.  I broke down at the end when James Balog spoke about his efforts and how important it was to him to do what he could for his children as well as mine.  Again, heartbreaking but real are the photographic facts that he showed us, much like the snapshots we’ve taken outside our own back door over the past ten years of a changing landscape.

Acknowledging these pictures are real, is a hard thing to do and I understand why some of my friends would not care to view this documentary.  I also understand the predicament of humans who think they can live on a finite planet  with infinite resources.  Magical thinking is what got us here.

Along with magical thinking comes false days of celebrations like today, Mother’s Day.  Flowers, cards, candies, jewelry, pajama grams and whatever else can be bought and sold to deliver our love and abolish our guilt. 

Though a “how to” book is still something I would like, one that would tell a mom how to talk with her child about changes that will affect the way we all live and die.  I realize a mom would be the one to write it but I'm sure there aren’t many that have been successful getting their children to embrace collapse, look it straight in the eyes and shine in spite of it. 

This Mother’s Day I wish for much more, a world of people coming together, using their brilliance to light up all the dark places so we can hold hands going forward with a new vision for as long as we can.  Seems like such a simple request, one that will last a lifetime and is priceless.

The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do is to “let go” of my relationship with my daughter.  It would have been much easier for me to hunt her down, get a plane ticket, show up at her home or work and…then what?  It’s the “then what” we both worry about, I think her especially and I love her way to much to force her to do something she is uncomfortable with.  No, this Mom’s day I only want one thing, for her to be happy, loved and safe, though depending on the day the order may change.