Friday, March 2, 2012

What needs to be felt

Emotional waves leaning like grain in the breeze bending to the pressure, I beckon my strength to stand tall and face the challenge of shortsightedness.  Being called “judgmental” no longer hurts as it once did.  I know I’m not always right but I also know that some things are just wrong and the many documentaries proving fact over fiction are out there if you care to watch them.

Have you ever watched something that inflicted immediate changes to your body, such as hearing your own heartbeat?  Have you ever thought about where your tears come from, and how you manage to swallow when the lump in your throat is so big?  All of this and more I felt while watching Michael Ruppert’s documentary, Collapse.

Maybe it’s the timing as I’m pulled towards the force of the full moon or maybe it’s the fact that another of my hospice patients passed recently and I long for more reading time with her, though I don’t know what she heard.  I know I find myself contemplating death more these days, though I seldom think of others dying as even hospice is about living and making the most of your time here on earth.
Last night and even now while typing this, I tap my foot to the rhythm of my heart nervously waiting for this too, to pass.  I hear the words again about the Titanic and remember how we got started building our lifeboat and how every day we attempt to find ways to accommodate others who haven’t started building theirs yet.

I remember when the blockbuster Avatar came out and how some saw it more than once because they said, “it moved them.”  I wondered if a Hollywood blockbuster could wake people up enough for them to feel something that would allow them to take action towards doing something good for Mother Earth and all her inhabitants.  It would be interesting to know if anyone did one thing differently after seeing it. 
Many sit motionless watching on the big screen the demise of their home yet move with little force to change their own behavior.  Only when we allow ourselves to feel something that is so wrong can we push ahead to act in favor of change. 

Seeing Michael Ruppert speak in 2005 and now seeing him in the documentary Collapse makes me hurt to think I can do little more than what I’m already doing.  The anger and intensity that I once heard in Ruppert’s voice has changed to heartbreak and dismiss.  As he is seen smoking cigarette after cigarette in the documentary, I can relate to his dismay and I feel anxious anticipating the outcome of collapse.

Here in my region, I watch Oregon Duck fans drive around in oversized SUV’s with green and yellow flags clinging onto both sides of the vehicle and I begin to imagine another parade… how many more before we realize those ducks will never offer us what real ducks can.  I watch my Ancona ducks as they inch their way alongside of me eating worms while I weed.  I’m flooded with thoughts of pink flamingo’s perched in my parents backyard by the birdbath and I laugh out loud at the silliness though silently I cry.

What a bill of goods we’ve been sold and some keep buying more searching for that happiness that comes quickly at a moments notice and last for seconds longer. 

Until my heart stops beating, I’ll continue to hear it’s beat and take time to feel what needs to be healed.  There are some of us who appreciate what Ruppert and others have conveyed and are living differently because of it. 

Thank you Michael and all who have tried to make us feel what we need to in order for us to change the way we live.

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