Tuesday, January 3, 2012

On the Same Page, For Better or Worse

Recently my husband and I celebrated our 34th wedding anniversary and realized how important it is to be on the same page or at least in the same book.

The first chapter in our lives happened as we met at the youthful ages of 18 and 20.  Smitten at first sight, we spent every moment we could together and within nine months we married.

We realized then that some thought we would present a baby shortly after wedlock but the responsibility that both of us learned at an even younger age cut short the idea of presenting a child to the world while we were still growing ourselves.

Married at 19 and 21 and still “in love” today, we both feel we have much to offer in the marriage counseling field though neither of us hold a degree.  Our relationship has not existed without the bump n grind of daily living. 

We are different people and we usually like it that way.  Like strong characters in a good book, we rely on our differences to make the story interesting.  Together we tackle conflict and advance the plot.

Today couples are finding out how strong their relationships are as they struggle to hold onto their money driven lives while watching their resources dwindle. Most of us resist forming a new path when the road we’re on is already paved for us.  We depend on others to make life easy for us instead of challenging ourselves to find another way. 

We learned early to pick and choose what we depended on and little of it was controlled by others than ourselves.  This made it easier for us to back further out of the system that is so dependent on growth.

Growing stronger together is still our greatest strength.  The gaps between paragraphs in our book get closer as we focus on the necessity of the subject and how important it is in our daily lives.

We choose not to dwell on the story as much as the lessons to be learned.  Over the years our arguments are few and disagreements vanish as we listen carefully to each other and to reason which we both offer just not necessarily on the same subjects.

Sometimes we teach each other new dance steps and together we tango at times supporting each other through the falls.  I often ask myself what signifies a “ soul mate”, though neither of us look to be an example of what real love is; the compliments we’ve been given sometimes shock us both and I find myself blushing like the young bride all over again.

The young girl who was concentrating on what I wanted to be when I grew up embraced the idea that my life would never be the same as I now shared it with someone else.  Even as difficult as it was at times, knowing how much of my youth I was losing, I now know that I gained so much more.

Facing a life of uncertainty can feed anxiety and fuel denial and we need to find others who will understand our angst and listen to us as we express our worries and fear.  Once we accept that our future will be different, we can begin to overcome these by learning that we’re not the only ones concerned. 

I sometimes go to sleep wondering what I may wake up to but I realize that my mind is working overtime and think about what I can do with what I know not what I can’t do with what I don’t know.

The New Year brings us entertainment in the form of bowl games as millions of dollars are spent on supporting events that advance athletes to their next destination, one with roses.  I don’t question our ability to coach others and I wonder what could be accomplished together in our quest to help others understand the game they're playing.

Unlike other games, there are no trophies to be won or bill boards to light us up.  Ours is not a game on paper drawn out in play actions, ours is a life well written in a non-fiction book and even though we’re different characters, we usually appear on the same page for better or worse.


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